CARS: All's well that ends well...

This week was car mania...the season finale if this was a soap opera.

Last weekend Dad, Curt and I attempted to track down the title for the white Subaru, who knew there was all this title, bill of sale, taxes, etc involved in selling a car... well now I do.

Anyway, thankfully Curt had a duplicate title, so I went over Tuesday night and got it all filled out, then Wednesday I did the deed. I sold my car, just like that, we exchanged the title and Tunex cut me a check for $1000 and that was it. Now for the emotional part, I went and cleaned out my car and said one last good-bye to Georgie. Or Faith as Curt informed me was her original name... I was kind of sad to say good-bye. Lots of good memories in that car and some ownership, rite-of-passage type of attachment...But as Bonnie advised, "you can't get too emotionally attached..." I know, but still, that was my car...

I loved my Georgie car.

So sad to say good-bye.

So the car saga continues... along with selling my car this week , I also...

• got a speeding ticket (first one in about 2 years, I was on a really good streak. Dang-it!)
• scratched my boss's car...yikes. I took it out to clean it and on my way back in to the parking garage, I turned a bit too sharply and scraped and dented the side of it. Shoot. I will post a pic tomorrow. He was good about it, but I felt really bad... as you can imagine.
• looked at alternative transportation options... I got pretty creative thinking of possibilities involving a bus, bike, jog-11miles to work-mmmm probably not, borrowing a car as needed. Could i get by without a car? Or even just wing it? I mean, I could get a bike. Bonnie's question with that one was "what happens when it's raining or snowing out and you have to go to work?" Good point. Shoot. The conclusion I came to after all this brainstorming was that I really just need a car. My lifestyle is way too independent to go without a car. Shoot. I am going to have to bite the bullet and buy a car. Which I really didn't want to do as I am committed to paying off my student loans this year and just really want to put all my extra cash toward that.

I am sure Mom and Dad were laughing every time I called them up with a new solution. Well, I went over on Saturday to talk with them about cars. The agreement was that we were going to talk cars at the end of this week and they were going to tell me what they decided to do.

As I talked through the options and expressed my "at my wit's end" scenario, I told them I finally went to the bank to see about taking out a loan to buy a car and ended with a big sigh.

They smiled and looked at me somewhat excited.

What? I asked.

"We have a way better deal for you..." Mom said.

Dad did the honors of offering me the option of purchasing their other Subaru-the green seafoam one.

Wow. Really?

What a relief!

So I will be able to keep up my car payments with them, pay off my student loans, and pay off this car within the year.

Sigh.

Thank you so much!

So this is the new set of wheels...no name yet.

After that, I was off to the ballet with Mei Mei. An M&M date if you will. :) We went and saw Utah Regional Ballet's production of Peter Pan at the Covey Center in Provo. Very Well done, a really fun ballet with flying, a crocodile, hilarious pirates, great choreography, and fantastic dancing.

We ran in to Brenda and Becca Winegar-kind of legendary people in the disabilities community in Utah Valley. It was great to connect with her, that is the first time I have personally met or spoken with either of them, even though I have grown up knowing who they are and the tremendous influence for good they are in this community. And all that I have heard about them did not compare to my experience talking with them. They are truly amazing individuals. I was so impressed with how highly Brenda (mom) talked about Becca (daughter with Downs Syndrome), she praised her with the utmost respect and awe, like she was a good friend and inspiration-which she is that to her, but people don't often talk about their kids like that. It was definitely a lesson for me about how I will speak about my kids to other people. It felt like more of an equal partnership/relationship rather than a domestic hierarchy. Sounds weird to say but I see that some parent/kid relationships are about who is right/wrong and others are about the partnership of helping each other learn and grow in positive ways. Hmm... a tidbit to put in my back pocket until further notice... :)

So here is Mei Mei and I at Peter Pan. We had a grand time!

Love my Mei Mei

Other things that happened this week...

We had a "Salsabration" FHE on Monday with a cluster of wards. I saw Blake there, the guy in our ward that I was interested in and he liked Bonnie and it was really awkward for a time... Yeah him. Anyway, it's been a while since we've seen each other and the steam from the awkward get togethers has blown over, so it was so nice to talk with him and feel like all of that stuff just melted away... thank you. Ah, peace at last. I don't like to have icky stuff in my relationships-the kind of unresolved stuff that lingers and festers. So it was really good to clear the air and mend my relationship with him.

Also, Monday after work I ran outside... this monumental. I can run for miles on a tredmill, but I am apprehensive and flat out resistant to running outside. I have a mental block about running outside. Bonnie and I ran about 2 miles, just down PG Blvd and back to our condo. And it felt good! I mean I survived and it wasn't that bad...

Half-marathon here I come. That is one of my 2011 goals-run a half marathon. I am shooting for August.

This week I worked on my solo with Laura up at the UofU a couple of days. Afterwards I stopped by to visit my sister Jules. It was fun to reconnect with her, it has been a while. She is amazing, getting ready for baby #4.

Anyway with the solo rehearsals, Laura and I got a lot done and I showed it at our rehearsal on Saturday. Angie, one of our dance professors came to our rehearsal and gave feedback. We talked about my solo and our chat reminded me why I love dance so much and engaging in the creative process. All the steps are there for my dance, but it is missing the magical performance quality. Discovering the missing element and what I am saying through this piece propelled me in to a bit of self-discovery to find the answers. That is what I love most about dance and the creative process-it's a journey of the self that refines and builds character like nothing else.

Here is what I learned on this particular journey with this specific piece, and it is exactly in line what I have been thinking about recently...

Angie remarked that this piece is about me being a 'good dancer' and showcasing my technical abilities, I don't really say anything significant, the audience is only 4 minutes older after seeing the piece-not really any different, moved or inspired by a unique message.

Shoot. I want it to be so much more. But I am concerned about being a "good dancer", it goes back to me wanting to keep up a "perfect image" of myself and especially as a dancer. I do want people to see and affirm that I am a good dancer.

But I also want to communicate something inspiring through my solo, I want to make my statement... but I don't know exactly what I am saying...

Angie's advice "you have to be vulnerable. Trust that your technique is there and go for it. If you don't quite make the balance, but you went for it-that is human. That is what we relate to as an audience. That is the magic."

So the challenge for me is letting go of that perfection image and dance who I am at this moment, the authentic, real me. Wow, I have been thinking about that lately and finding myself wanting to be something I am not. But it doesn't work to be anything but me.

Sometimes I wonder if I have the "fire" to be a successful dance artist and I get anxious about it, and I feel that anxiety is reflected in my solo.

Angie's response to this was, "then dance who you are right now and what it is. If you are anxious and nervous about it, then dance that. Be honest about where you are. You gotta dance who you are and what it is right now."

I held back the tears, but if I would have let them, I would have been wet all day. This breakthrough and insight is what I have been looking for and I love how dance facilitates these small self-discoveries. I feel closer to my goal of going Home. And interestingly enough, the title of my piece is "coming home". Remembering who I am and being honest about that as I dance. That is the challenge, but I am up for it.

After rehearsal I raced down to UVU for the Ballroom Dance Concert with my friend Mariah who got married in November. I asked her about married life and she confessed that it was one of the hardest experiences of her life. Just a lot to adjust and get used to. Good stuff, but nonetheless challenging.

After the ballroom concert I crashed for a nap before going to the ballet with Mei. On my way to go pick up Mei, Aaron called. I missed it, so when I called him back he put it on speaker phone so both he and Brittany could talk to me.

I casually asked "so, what's up?"

"Have you seen Pa's cows?" Brittany asked.

WHAT!?! Mouth wide open...............................

Really? Aaron engaged?

Wow, congratulations! I am so happy for both of them. And Brittany sounds like a super fantastic girl. Can't wait to meet her when they come out in a couple of weeks.

I waited for the "my younger brother is getting married" blues to settle in, but they never came. No anxiety about it, just happiness.

I do have to tell you though. Mom had a dream on Friday night about me and I was with the cutest, most darling boy with dark curly hair. We were so happy together and it was so easy to be around him. And he was tall. Anyway, I know the timing for me will happen at the perfect time. Not worried.

However, this was at the end of the week. Ask me about men on Wednesday and I would have thrown my hands up in the air with utter disgust. I had lunch with a guy on Wednesday-so not impressed. Just talked about superficial things the whole time and I saw a lot of his insecurities come out. I left the conversation sick to my stomach and wanting to take a shower to wash off all the slime.

It's good, I know more of what I DON'T want.

I just want a male version of Bonnie, that would be perfect!

Friday I went to hear Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, speak at an information technology forum at BYU.

It was interesting and some personal notes I had on it were...

Find what you are passionate about

The more connections we create, the stronger we are, in business and personal life

It was really good, he was very candid and open, it was fun to hear him speak. Orrin Hatch-the one delivering the questions-however, was not. He was kind of a drag.

Anyway, fun event. It was snowing when we got out and I wore some ballet flats, so no traction and I was honestly worried about slipping. I carpooled with 2 guys from work, how convenient. I took one of the guy's arms and he graciously escorted me to the car. Both of them opened my door for me on the whole excursion and I was so impressed. I haven't been treated like that for a long time, it was nice to feel like a lady and be treated like one.

I was seriously so impressed, especially because it was a work event. One of the guys was married and one was single. But the fact that I was a lady, trumped the situation, no romantic nonsense, just good old-fashioned chivalry. Love it.

So it all ended well and I am happily sitting here blogging on a leisurely Sunday evening after teaching Sunday School today about Priesthood Keys. The lesson went way better than I anticipated, I did not feel super prepared. Thank you to the spirit and angels that were routing for me. I learned a lot, as always.

The experience teaching boosted my confidence and it felt really good. I love teaching, I volunteered for today and for permanent "if you need someone to teach, call me" status.

It made me think about grad school, well career in general, I know I will end up teaching in whatever I do.

A high end classical Ballet teacher in New York City? Possibly. That would be a dream.